surrendering soulfully

So as I continue to play in the mud of my life on a quest to reclaim “me,” the latest teacher on my nightstand is Panache Desai’s Discovering Your Soul Signature: A 33 Day Path to Purpose, Passion & Joy.”  It’s a wonderful book if you’re ready and willing to explore some of life’s “stuff.”  Plus, Panache has a terrific way of framing concepts we searchers have repeatedly experienced in other works.   I’m in day 13 and it’s been quite a lovely and gut wrenching ride. 

This is how it works.  Each chapter of the book is focused on one concept and divided into three segments, Morning, Noon and Night, designed to be read at those times of the day.  For example, Chapter One’s focus is on Fear.  The Morning segment sets the stage, posing questions to ponder around fears.  Noon introduces suggestions for identifying and working on fears throughout the day.  Night provides a nice release of the concept, before bed, in beautiful and loving language.  The thought in my mind at the moment is that, each chapter is almost like a yoga class that includes all the components of yoga except the “exercise” (which would be the reverse of the structure of our studio based yoga classes).

But this isn’t a post designed to promote the book.  

As I said, I’m now in Day 13 of discovery and, after exploring Fear, Sadness, Anger, Guilt, Shame, Self Judgement, Patterns, Addictions, The Ego, I’m Not Good Enough, Shattering Inner Sabotage and Triggers, the focus is on “Soulful Surrender.”  Soulful.  Surrender.  Surrender is just that, isn’t it? Surrendering your entire being to the disturbances and being willing to ask for and invite in help from whatever you believe to be the divine source.  “I’m here.  I’m tired of struggling on my own. Please help me.  Whatever it is, I’m ready to accept it.  Please show me how to play differently.”

As I was reading the Noon segment and the suggestions for mindfully moving through the day these words leapt from the page:

“What would happen if you were to move through your day as if you’ve already lived it?  If you’ve already lived it, then you can glide gently through each hour as it unfolds.  Everything has already happened.  You don’t have to press.  You don’t have to fight.  You don’t have to assert yourself or your will.

You don’t have to control anything.

All you need to do is be present.”

The first thought that came to my mind was, “in an odd way, that’s like watching “Amelie” (my favorite film) over and over.  Each time I watch it, I always find something new!  When we see a movie we like, we don’t get it all the first time.  The mind is too occupied with other things on that first viewing, like figuring things out ahead of time or critiquing the acting/directing, popcorn, etc.  But, once you’ve already seen it, all that need to know ahead of time has been dissolved and, in each subsequent viewing, you see something new … something that was always there but, somehow, you missed it.  You’ve simply become more present to the movie as it is.  You’ve seen it already and can now relax into each moment.  

So, YES.  This idea made complete sense … consider moving through the day as if I’ve already lived (or seen) it …. diffuse the need to know or to control the events or figure out how the day is going to go and, rather, really just experience the beauty of the ups and downs of the day.  By being present to what is.  And why not? It’s already been lived.  Been there, done that, the edge is off.  I surrender to what is … help me. 

As I’m writing, another flake that’s popping up into the snowglobe is that it’s also like finding something you’ve lost.  How often has it happened that, after searching through the same places twelve times like the tasmanian devil, you FINALLY give up … SURRENDER … completely!   And curiously, once you’re back to breathing normally again, you get an image in your mind.  You see that thing clearly hiding in one of those obvious places where you frenetically and mindlessly “looked” twelve times?  (Honestly, did your eyes even really settle on those places?  Or were you actually rifling through each place with your attention onto the next possible place?) And doesn’t it feel as if the object was laughing as it hid in plain sight, watching the comedy show of YOU frenetically searching but never LOOKING, gently, mindfully and presently, in those nooks and crannies. 

Imagine what could be possible if, instead of struggling, we opened our souls and surrendered to a situation, especially a crisis, with a pause and a sense of spaciousness … an “I’ve got this, I’ve lived it already.”  Imagine the peace that would frame each day.  Imagine just enjoying the ride, no matter what, because we’d lived it already.  And hey, actors, isn’t that sense of letting go the reason for some auditions being more fruitful than others?  Perhaps it’s in those moments of complete, soulful surrender that we’re a little less likely to put on our armor and judge, fight, clutch, contract or lose and more likely to remain pliable and accept, let be, let go, open up or find.  Perhaps.  For that fleeting moment. Or maybe seven.  And we always have the opportunity to surrender again … to a new situation, or the same situation … with new help. 

About two paragraphs up, in the midst of writing, I entered what has regularly been a pattern of crisis and a trigger of sorts.  Today however, as I began to feel the change in my breath and the tightening in my solar plexus, I paused and thought, “been there, done that, not today, I surrender to something new,” and gracefully disconnected from it.  Today … that was a really good thing.  Maybe tomorrow will bring the same response.  I’ve already lived it, right?  Whatever comes, it is what it is and I’m enjoying the process of trying new things as a means for learning *ME* … taking small steps forward and backward along the path of growing my soul and being human. 

As I see it, the beauty of surrendering to what is, soulfully, allows us an opportunity to gently, gracefully, move through the events of our lives and experience glorious dives and divine miracles.  Those miracles can be as simple as suddenly finding that lost object, or as complex as discovering an entire new way of being.  Whatever the miracle, we always have the opportunity to achieve greater awareness of, presence toward and compassion for others and for ourselves.


And, then, the movies of our collective hearts & souls take on IMAX proportions.  





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