From the Urban Dictionary:
YOGA BUTT: The ultimate external sign of a strong and powerful body. Only after years of practice can a man or woman acheive a yoga butt. It is perfectly proportioned, very tight, high, and sculpted. A yoga butt means you also have yoga arms, yoga abs, yoga legs, etc. It is very sexy and it immediately turns eyes and makes people jealous or inspired.
NOOOOO … Don’t get excited … I’m in the studio more regularly these days but I haven’t been doing THAT much more yoga. And, even if I was, I just don’t have the genes or the determination for creating and maintaining yoga butt. In fact, being the astute observer that he was, my friend Lou said that he, our friend Louise and I all belonged to the “flat ass club.” It made us, and anyone we shared it with, laugh out loud especially when sight gags were part of the “schtick.” Lou was president of the club. His ass was so flat you’d have to mark it absent. And he’d practically choke from laughing whenever I looked behind him and screamed “HEY! SOMEBODY STOLE YOUR ASS!!!” He was a pip … one of a kind … and I miss him. Those were fun days in the “clubhouse” on Pearsall. Sadly, and rather suddenly, Lou blew away on the back of Hurricane Sandy. For a number of reasons, and if you knew him, it was the perfect exit. But that’s a story for another day, I’m here for a different purpose … Lou will have a post just dedicated to him at some point.
So, Okay. I’m quite sure that my butt will always be flat and that I also will NEVER aspire to those six pack abs either. I’m just a regular gal trying to maintain some health and connection in body, mind and spirit. And that’s just fine with me.
But, since I began this post with a definition of yoga butt (and because I do have a point in addition to the one that’s on top of my head) … as I was walking home after today’s wonderful, back bend focused, Iyengar class, enjoying my temporarily improved posture and kinda diggin’ the perspective of feeling taller than 5’1,” THERE IT WAS! A YOGA BUTT crossing Columbus Avenue in all its glory! Attached to a young, very fit woman wearing a cute little yoga outfit, it was absolutely as perfect as a yoga butt could be (if you like those kinds of things …. I DON’T, not even on men, but HAD to marvel at the architecture of it and the work that goes into sculpting it). It bordered on being a little too big for her body and looked a little like there were two soccer balls inside her pants. I wondered what it felt like to sit on such high, tight glutes. That’s when I heard the sound … you know … that cartoon sound effect that happens when a character turns its head really fast …. WHHHHHHT. and again … WHHHHHHHHT WHHHHHHHT WHHHHHHHT. And as I looked around, I saw EVERY man in every truck, car and on every bicycle, eyeballs popping, big smiles on their faces and lots of “Oh Yeahs” happily stopping to watch as she crossed Columbus Avenue at 68th Street. I thought “This is what Christmas morning looked like when they were 7.” No sarcasm or ill will intended, I promise. Honestly … the whole event was fun to watch. And the BEST part? The chick didn’t even look up from her phone as she crossed the street! She seemed to be completely oblivious to the various, momentary traffic snags happening behind her behind! Talk about ultimate power … like she was a new, secret member of the X-Men …YogaButtress … waiting to take her place among the superheroes.
Well, in her wake, the corner became an obstacle course! I had to stutter step around the guy wheeling the cases of wine in circles as he craned his head to watch the show. Then a man wheeling a baby carriage and doing an imitation of Linda Blair in the Exorcist almost ran into me. A guy in a panel truck forgot that I had the right of way to cross and came sailing throught the intersection without stopping! I knew his eyes weren’t on me so I jumped out of his way.
I got through the intersection with my safety and my flat ass intact, and giggled all the way home as I processed the event which, btw, also included the well dressed guy on the unicycle with whom I’d exchanged smiles at the very same corner on my way TO yoga class. Felt a little “full circle-ish.”
Life is never dull in the ‘hood; a little Ringling Brothers, Barnum and Bailey for everyone.
But(t), at the end of the day, I have to admit I’m glad I don’t have an ass that could stop traffic.